Dis-eases

First a caution and word of explanation. Below is my current analysis of why I experienced the specific diseases. It is written for the purpose of letting you the reader know that your body always wants to heal itself and to open your mind to the blockages that may have caused your own physical or emotional issues so that you may better understand and release them.

Why those diseases?

Just as the word denotes, dis-ease develops, I believe, when we are in circumstances where we are UNEASY.  As a protective mechanism, our body takes a PICTURE of the uncomfortable event, including its view, sounds, smells, and feel so that it can quickly recognize a similar event in the making and remove us from it quickly.  Brain researchers explain it as the amygdala taking over and sending messages and hormones to the BODY and perhaps blocking the executive decision-making portion of the brain because the amygdala determines that there is no time to THINK about the action needed.

I believe this PICTURE becomes like an icon in the body, taking up space and even interfering with the flow of oxygen and fluids to the extent that body parts adjacent to the icon suffer over time.  In my case, my body held many negative scenes from at least age 12 until I found HMR® around age 55.

So, this morning I’m reflecting on why my body showed its specific diagnoses.  Here’s my belief so far, beginning from the top.

Sjogren’s-dry eyes, sinus infections, snoring – with HMR® therapy, I released great sadness.  I was not allowed to cry as a child, even being told how selfish I was to lament my own issues and not always put others first.  This served my parents well as a form of manipulation.  Any thought of my own problems or tendency to release the sadness was overridden and smothered by shame. I was not able to release the sadness until I had released shame, fear, abandonment, and eventually anger.  The sadness over my pain as a little girl stayed with me a very long time.

Vertigo, ear infections – I know exactly the trauma event that caused this blockage.  My father was enraged, holding me so I couldn’t move, and whispering very derogatory things in my ear.  The ear pinned to the bed had to release the trauma memory separately from the ear in which he was whispering. 

Asthma, reaction to scents, high blood pressure– I learned to hold my breath when Dad was angry, which was not infrequent.  I felt safer doing it ‘just in case’.  Like an animal that knows it can’t escape, I learned to breathe shallower and live smaller so perhaps I would not be noticed.  When I was joyful, I was at risk. It was as if my joy threatened his control over us or perhaps that his own pain was so great that he simply couldn’t tolerate another’s joy.

 As a protection, my body also developed heightened sense of smell so that I could tell when Dad was home.  I could notice his Brylcreem hair cream, leather belt and boots, smells of harvested seeds or hay or horses before he got near the room I was in.  I’d simply slide safely out a back door when he entered.

And, my heart had to work harder when I  held my breath and my body created adrenaline for escape.

Pyloric spasms, bloating, irritable bowels, esophagitis, constipation – We now know that our gut is our second brain, so I’m sure it’s not as simple as I will state now, but at LEAST I know that all of these issues were aggravated by the fact that meal time was so stressful.  From the arguments to the pent up anger in the house, our ‘family mealtime’ was anything but conducive to processing and digesting food.  As we know, our body shuts down the digestive process during trauma.  I was eating but my body was rebelling and finding ways to hold food until later, when things calmed.  Some days it didn’t.

Premenstrual syndrome, mastitis, fibrocystic breast – My body suffered with these because of the places violated.  Enough said.

Fatty liver, overweight – It’s been said that our liver holds our anger.  I only released mine once as a child.  That was the worst day of my life.  I was 12, and held anger in from then until age 55 when I felt safe to release it with HMR®, only after releasing the shame that had held me hostage as ‘I don’t deserve’ to be free of pain. 

The overweight part was at least because my body felt it needed to be big and broad to be able to hold all the negative energy from my family.  Holding responsibility like that takes massive size, I felt.

Leg cramps, vascular issues, foot rash – I was sent to a vascular surgeon for surgery and he refused, thank goodness.  I believe these issues were because my body wanted to run and, as a child, I had no safe place to which to escape.  Hence the conflict within the tissues.  I also remember my legs being trapped and my foot injured that day at age 12. I’m sure that event created a blockage specific to that area.

Strong reaction to insect bites – Not just strong, very strong.  I feel my body was just hyper alert and reactive to invasion of any kind.  Until HMR® therapy, I had to restrict my joy in nature because of this reaction compounded by the strong reaction to scents which prevented me from using repellant.

Hair loss, adrenal failure, anemia, low vitamin D, night sweats, adrenal failure – These were perhaps the result of my body not being relaxed when trying to absorb nutrients from food plus spending so much time with the high adrenaline and cortisol levels for fight or flight because I was unable to find a safe place in which to relax.

Rheumatoid, fibromyalgia, lupus-like autoimmune, swollen joints – Some of this was to joints with specific physical injuries. Some of it was from spending so much time with my body poised for fight or flight that the oxygen and fluids stayed stuck, not available to surrounding tissue.  One example of this is the fibromyalgia from, I believe, keeping my shoulders raised toward my ears in protection poised to defend and to keep from hearing the anger and nasty words in the house.

Also, every time I was poised to walk forward as who I felt I was here to be in life, there seemed to be a subtle or overt blockage from my parents so that they continued to feel in control, perhaps, and perhaps so that others would not see our truth.

Depression – I may have saved the best for last.  There is lots to be said about depression, but I’ll be brief here.  My depression came from not having options as a child.  It came biologically from excess adrenaline and cortisol.  When the body is busy making these, it does not make our soothing hormones.  It can’t do both at once, at least not when it thinks we need excesses of the hormones to save ourselves.  Lastly, it’s been said that depression is when we turn our anger inward such as when I, before HMR®, catered to my parents’ every whim trying to take on their issues without setting boundaries to protect myself.  I did this because I didn’t feel I deserved better.  I also did it because of the brainwashing from being told that anger was the greatest sin and being told to ‘honor they father and mother’.  I almost HONORED them to my early grave before I realized that I wasn’t here to fix them, but to show others the path to healing themselves in spite of their past.

Yes, Bessel, the body does, indeed, ‘keep the score’. And, it will tell us all we need to know to heal it…when we ask appropriately. This is the foundation of HMR®.