A Level Above
Today I feel led to share with you a Level III or at least a Level II and a half HMR® story. Why am I starting with this level rather than a Level I? I’m starting with Level III because this session is probably the one that touched me most in my almost 15 years using HMR® to help clients.
Explanation. As a little background, Level III HMR® is used when greatly enhanced safety is needed with a client such as when Protector Parts, as Richard Schwartz calls them in Internal Family Systems, seem to be afraid to let the therapy progress for fear of overwhelm of the Self. This occurrence is explained in great detail in his book, Internal Family Systems Therapy.
Please be aware that I last saw this client many years ago and that details have been changed to avoid any exposure for her.
The client. This client was about 45 years old, we will say, when she first came to see me. She was a small lady with a quiet, pleasant demeanor. She had a normal and uneventful first session though she did seem cautious.
When she arrived for her second session about a week later, I asked, as I usually do, how she had felt since her first session and what she’d like to work on for the second session. She sat down and shocked me by saying that a part of her had tried to drive her off the road to avoid coming to the session that morning.
Since I’d never worked with a client over a level II, I took a minute to compose myself and try to remember every single detail I’d learned about Level III in my training. I remembered to create enhanced safety in the form of a very specific safe house created entirely by the client in the safe location of her choosing, even to the type and color of doors, porches, windows, and siding of the safe house. I remembered to ask if the client would like to use all the elements outside the house such as specific water, air, fire, and earth elements. She also, at my suggestion, created her own very detailed conference room wherein we could work during the session.
The Name. Even before all of this, I remembered to ask if the part who was trying to be sure she didn’t arrive at the session had a name. She smiled and quickly said HIS name was The Hulk. Following my training, I asked where The Hulk would like to wait outside the house while she and I entered the conference room. By this time, I wasn’t too relaxed and her answer didn’t come quickly enough for me so I offered a solution. Something inside me felt that The Hulk was very young, so I asked if he’d like to play in the sand box, her earth element outside. I got a very quick and gruff-sounding ‘NO’. I took a long calming breath and lowered my voice to be as gentle as possible and asked again where he’d like to be outside, stating that he had lots of nice choices. I was pretty sure we didn’t need him in the conference room if we were to make progress that day.
His spot. She boldly replied that he needed to be running around the house while we worked. What a relief I felt that he had agreed to stay outside! I also didn’t miss the fact that he must have been very anxious to feel the need to run and not relax while we worked.
Access. Once that was settled, I asked if she’d like to go into HER safe conference room in HER safe house to work. She agreed and proceeded to imagine HER safe colors into her body. I asked where her body felt discomfort and she said she felt pain in her head. I used the 9 HMR® questions to help her connect her body to her brain until she knew the traumatic event.
The memory. She then slowly described, as though watching a movie, how she had been a child between age 1 and 2 standing in her crib crying because she was hungry. She gave a more exact age, but I won’t disclose it here. She then described her father walking angrily into the room and, as she continued to cry, he threw the glass bottle of milk across the room. The bottle broke when it hit the back of the crib. (Baby bottles were always made of glass back then.)
The reframe. I checked to see that this was indeed the basis of the trauma as I prayed that it was. I was new enough in this work that some client traumas affected me, and this was one of those times because of my own childhood. Her reframe for the event was, very simply, that her mother came quietly into the room and held and rocked her while giving her the warm bottle of milk. She said she couldn’t imagine her father doing that and, quite frankly, neither could I, though I now know that my feelings are totally irrelevant and can even interfere with the client’s work.
Anchoring color. Once she had the reframe of the event like she wanted it, I asked what color she’d like to use to frame the picture of her mom feeding her calmly. She chose a soft green, if I remember correctly.
The Protector. Focusing on my training, I remembered to check back with the Protector Part. I asked her what he was doing once she had reframed the event, hoping that she’d say he had disappeared or at least relaxed. I was shocked to hear her respond that he was still running around the house. I asked her to check in to see what he needed. Again her long pause unnerved me, but, since I had no suggestions at all, I remained quiet. I also knew from my training that the answer had to come from her.
The resolution. After what seemed an eternity but surely wasn’t, she very solemnly stood, cradled her arms in front of her and began to softly rock side to side gazing as if something fragile was held in her crossed arms. I watched in awe. She finally broke the silence by whispering that he was only a baby and he only needed a blanket, a blue blanket, and someone to hold him. Tears came to my eyes… and to hers.
That’s not all. Thanking me and telling me she’d let me know when she needed another session, she walked to the door, her posture much more erect than when she’d entered the office. As she reached for the door knob, she turned to face me and asked if I knew why she needed the session today. I’m sure I looked like I’d seen a ghost by then and I’m not sure if I even answered her. She didn’t need my answer. She calmly said that her grandchild was the same age as she had been at the time of the traumatic event and that, when the grandchild cried in his crib, she couldn’t go to get him. The sound of his cries and the crib which looked so much like hers froze her into that event from her past.
Finale. I never heard from her again. At first that bothered me and I wondered what I’d done to make her not want to see me again. I soon began to realize that she got everything she needed at that time to make her life feel full and blessed. I also, as I worked with other clients, realized just how quickly HMR® can change a life. We ask the body what it’s ready to release and use our training to empower the client to connect the release and repair into the body and the brain.
I have continued a very conscious effort to clear my past memories using HMR® so that I can be fully with my clients regardless of their traumatic events. As I’ve done that, I’ve noticed that some clients who have asked me to work with them have more complex trauma than in the past. The more I heal myself, the more I can be fully present as I guide them to heal themselves using HMR®.