FORGIVENESS-Not until you care for yourself

All along my healing journey, people told me I just needed to forgive … that forgiveness was the only way I could heal.  That didn’t prove true for me.  First I healed the shame, then the abandonment, later the anger and fear, and eventually the sadness that I had buried so deeply and didn’t think I had a right to feel.

Then, there it was … the FORGIVENESS.  It was there all along but buried deeply under all that pain.  Until I was able to release my body from all the shame, abandonment, anger, fear and sadness, I could not find the forgiveness.

My body was holding those negative emotions so tightly that, to try to force it to forgive was way too damaging and dishonoring of my SELF, my story, my pain.

The negative memories had apparently become blockages in my body such that my immune system could no longer function properly.  My body was triggered by the sights, smells, and sounds that it associated with the negative memories.  When our bodies are triggered, our hormones increase to help us fight or flee.  When that happens, our immune system is not functioning properly.  Our digestive system isn’t even functioning. My cortisol and adrenaline were working overtime, blocking my immune system. The diseases easily took over. When I cleared those negative memories, my body began to heal itself.

Speaking about my past is not always comfortable.  My prayer is that my healing story will lift you with HOPE.